Πέμπτη 17 Σεπτεμβρίου 2015

Words to Live by

There’s this woman I know.

You may know her too, or a version of her.

For some of you, she may be a he. For me she stands in the middle of a field—surrounded by daisies.
Arms open wide like she’s ready to fly. But she doesn’t.
She knows that her place is here, now, grounded, present. Her two feet—barefooted feet—buried in the grass.
So instead she twirls. She twirls and sings, laughs, dances, jumps up and falls down. She gets back up. She is happy.
I don’t know what she does, or where she lives, or how she came to be so free. But I do know this: this woman is me. The me that I want to be.
I’ve long been searching for just the right words to give her a face and bring her to life. And now I don’t have to. Through the magic of poetry by Jeanette Leblanc, I see this woman more clearly.
She now has a name. Her name is Life, and she chooses to live it.
Isn’t that nice!?!

The Zen of Ego.

Seven Things (our Ego tells us) to do when we’re Having a Bad Day.

Rough day? Ego knows what to do about it:

Stressed out? Don’t engage in maitri. Instead, dwell in self-pity or anger. Drink. Pick your zits. Jerk off. Overeat. Stay in doors. Engage in self-hate, or hurt others.
1. You could not take things personally, or focus on the end result…but no. Fuck that. Time to take things personally, and lose sight of the point of everything. Instead, act like a petulant child. The world’s against You.
2. Stressed? Don’t exercise—don’t breathe deeply—react out of irritation, fear, anger and speediness. React, react, react. Create drama—that always helps.
3. Blame. You could accept the blame, even if it’s not yours, be big about things and get back to solving the issue at hand…but no. Blame others, that works like a charm.
4. Go outside, cry, jump in a hot tub or pool, eat some real food sitting down….nah. Smoke. While surfing your smartphone. Or drink. Or eat emotionally. Or watch some stupid TV and zone it all out. That’s how all the greats throughout history handled their moodiness, right? Gandhi, Winston, Einstein…they all had both Netflix Streaming and the 3 DVD plan at a time.
5. Talk with friends? Connect with community? Fuck friends, they’re all jerks. Fuck community. Instead, yell at others. Hit others. Or at least slam doors. Grit your teeth. Say and type fuck a lot. USE ALL CAPS.
6. Take a break. Do less, not more. Don’t do anything rash. Or, quit! Fire someone! Break up! Argue! Even if you know you’re wrong, do not give up!
7. Here’s the thing: we do things that aren’t healthy and dig ourselves in deeper when we’re stressed. So pause. Do something different. Move. Exercise. Meditate. Try a simple inversion or heart opener. Hah, just kidding, jerkface: go pick on someone or something smaller or different than You.
Some folks are grateful that the thorn bush has roses. Instead, be pissed off that the roses have thorns. Life is half empty, and then you die. Best to collect the most toys, and seek the most pleasure, along the way.
That line of thinking, after all, is what simple-minded selfishness is made of.
True selfishness, of course, is thinking about the welfare of others, and our planet, and ourselves—all three, together. Because the universe is interconnected, and so are its laws.
So be a rebel: fight the universe, and see who wins out. I bet it’s You.
Source: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/08/the-zen-of-ego/

Παρασκευή 11 Σεπτεμβρίου 2015

Don’t Kick The Habit

I know you just made resolutions, but don’t try to stop smoking. Don’t give up booze. Don’t throw out your pot. Don’t ditch the donuts.
While you’re at it, don’t join the gym.  Don’t try to meditate every day.  Don’t promise to get over your money issues. Don’t resolve to lose twenty pounds.
Don’t quit the job you hate. Don’t leave your deadbeat boyfriend.  Don’t try to be a better mother/ daughter/ friend. Don’t give up internet porn.
Don’t finish that novel. Don’t sign up for that art class. Don’t declutter your house. Don’t get out of debt.
When you make promises to yourself before you’re ready to make big change, you just prove to yourself what you’ve suspected all along - that you don’t have the willpower, you’re not trustworthy, and you never follow through on your word.
You pay big bucks to Jenny Craig, but you never follow the program. You sign up for the art class, but you don’t start painting. You look at your computer, but you don’t write your novel. You look up 12 step programs but then you never go. You sign up for that green juice cleanse and then you never cleanse. You pay the $99 every month, but you don’t actually go to the gym. You make a budget but then you don’t follow it. You break up with your boyfriend and two days later, you sleep with him. You try to quit your job until they offer you a raise and you get sucked in again.
Every time you make a promise to yourself that you don’t keep, you feel like shit. And when you feel like shit, what do you do? You smoke that cigarette/ eat that ice cream/ start jonesing for that drug or that sex or your couch potato lifestyle. When you make promises to yourself that you don’t keep, you make the habit worse.
Instead, wait until you’ve decided it’s really time.
Draw the line in the sand.
Refuse to accept anything less than 100% recovery.
Know that this time, it’s for real. And mean it.
Trust that once you decide you’re really ready, it will be easy. You’ll break the habit in a blink. You’ll never look back.
But until you’re 1000% on board with your decision, don’t kick the habit. Give yourself permission to buy that pack of cigarettes or that bottle of wine or that blunt. Love yourself as you smoke or drink or get high. Love yourself as you lounge on the sofa and binge on potato chips. Love yourself as you overspend, overindulge, oversex, overgive, overprocrastinate. Cancel the gym membership. Drop out of the art class. Close your computer.  Get off the scale. Inhale all the way.
And love yourself just as you are, for every little flaw that makes you who you are, for better or for worse.
When you do, something magical will happen. At some point, when you least expect it, in the midst of this lovefest, a spark will catch fire. The flame will grow. The light will outshine the darkness. The darkness will no longer be able to resist the light.
When you love yourself so much, in spite of your imperfections, you will hit a point on some future day, and it will come when you least expect it. It won’t be a resolution or a promise or anything they make you do in rehab. It will come from within, and it will be easy, and it will be permanent.
One day, you will love yourself so much that you will decide you’re done with the habit, you’re ready to accomplish the goal, and the time is now.
It will happen effortlessly, and you will never look back.
If that time isn’t here yet, you will never succeed in quitting, no matter how much you try to convince yourself you want to quit. Your failure will be guaranteed, and then you will prove to yourself - once again - what a loser you are.
But you’re not a loser, my love. You just haven’t decided yet. And that’s okay. I forgive you, so please forgive yourself.
Until you decide the time is now, you might as well give yourself permission to enjoy that cigarette, to breathe it in, to breathe it out, and to throw your arms out as you do…
Is now the time?
Loving you just the way you are,
Lissa

How To Stay Healthy Even If You Eat Junk, Smoke Ciggies, Skip Exercise & Booze It Up

Guest Writer for Wake Up World
Ever since we docs started teaching people the importance of smoking cessation, moderation in alcohol intake, a nutritious, mostly plant-based diet, daily exercise, and weight control, millions of people have been beating themselves up for unhealthy lifestyle habits. Yet the guilt and shame so many feel hasn’t led to significant improvements in the health of the general public. Even though people know how to live a “healthy” lifestyle, most choose not to. Instead, rates of diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure, heart disease, and other largely preventable diseases are on the rise.
Bummer.
While lots of people rattle off about the importance of healthy lifestyle modifications – and as a green-juicing, exercising, non-smoking, health food junkie, I agree with them – what shocks me is how few are talking about the other critical factors that contribute to health and longevity – the factors that are arguably even more important than diet, cigarette use, alcohol intake, weight, and exercise.

Some Diseases Are Preventable

Before I share with you these factors that may shock you, let me start with a hat tip to conventional medical wisdom. Yes, some diseases are largely preventable. If you’re a 3 pack-a-day smoker who winds up with lung cancer, you’re probably feeling pretty crappy about your cancer because you know that if you had never smoked, you probably wouldn’t have been saddled with that disease. If you’ve been eating at McDonalds every day, it won’t surprise you if a heart attack knocks you flat and you have to get bypass surgery. If you’ve been boozing it up for three decades and you wind up with cirrhosis of the liver, well… not to be harsh, but you knew that might happen, right? If you’re four hundred pounds and you get diabetes, um… need I say more?
Yes, if we aim to lead optimally healthy lives, diet, exercise, weight control, alcohol intake, and cigarette use matter.

Some Unhealthy People Live To Be 100

But let’s face it. Some smoking, boozing, overweight, junk food binging couch potatoes stay healthy and die of old age. As a physician, these people have always blown me away. How are their bodies so resilient to such poisons? Is it genetic? Is it just dumb luck? These people left me scratching my head, until I was doing the research for my book Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself (Hay House, 2013).
Clearly, there are many factors contributing to why one person winds up sick when another stays healthy, in spite of poor health habits. The same is true for the health nut who is doing everything “right” but still winds up sick.
So what are these factors that your doctor probably isn’t discussing with you?

Loving Community Equals Health

Let me start by telling you a story.
Once upon a time, a tribe of Italian immigrants crossed the Atlantic and settled in Roseto, Pennsylvania, where they didn’t exactly live the most “healthy” lifestyle. They ate meatballs fried in lard, smoked like chimneys, boozed it up every night, and pigged out on pasta and pizza. Yet, shockingly, they had half the rate of heart disease and much lower rates of many other illnesses than the national average. It wasn’t the water they drank, the hospital they went to, or their DNA. And clearly, it wasn’t their stellar diet. So what was it that made the people of Roseto so resistant to heart disease?
One physician, baffled by their low rates of heart disease, studied the townspeople to determine why they were so protected.

The Effects of Loneliness On The Body

What his researchers found is that the tight knit community living in multi-generational homes and enjoying communal dinners and frequent festivities provided solace from the loneliness so many people feel. The love and support of others in the close knit community alleviated the stress and overwhelm many lonely people feel. Researchers posit that the stress lonely people feel, which increases cortisol levels and activates the sympathetic nervous system, raising heart rate, elevating blood pressure, incapacitating the immune system, and increasing the risk of heart disease, is responsible for much of the illness lonely people experience.
Because the people of Roseto never felt alone, they rarely died of heart disease – most died of “old age”- even though they smoked, ate poorly, and drank. As it turns out, alleviation of loneliness is preventative medicine, and the scientific data suggests that loneliness is a stronger risk factor for illness than smoking or failure to exercise.

Why One Person Gets Sick & Another Stays Healthy

It’s not just loneliness that contributes to whether you get sick or stay healthy. As I discussed in my TEDx talk, it’s not just your relationships that affect your health – it’s work stress, financial stress, mental health issues like depression and anxiety, whether you’re optimistic or pessimistic, and whether or not you’re actively engaging in potentially stress reducing activities like creative expression, sex, and spiritual activities like prayer, attending religious services, or meditation.
For example, let’s take one person who eats poorly, smokes, and never exercises, but who enjoys an incredible marriage, a great family, fabulous friends, a rewarding and financially lucrative job, a sense of life purpose, a healthy spiritual life, a blossoming creative life, and a kickin’ sex life. Aside from the cloud of smoke infusing the lungs with toxins and the poisons this person’s body is ingesting, this kind of lifestyle has been scientifically proven to result in better health than the lonely individual in an emotionally abusive marriage, with a soul-sucking job, no sex life, an absent spiritual life, and no creative outlets. The scientific data suggests that the “unhealthy” individual with an otherwise healthy, balanced life is more likely to live a long, healthy life than a nonsmoking, abstaining vegan with a personal trainer who is unhealthy and miserable in all other facets of life.
Make sense?

How Healthy Is Your Life?

In my upcoming book, I go into great detail, proving how each of these factors of a healthy life affect the physiology of the body, but until then, let me just assure you that what I’m suggesting is true. I’m not recommending that you pick up smoking, drinking, or overeating (and if you already have, you can read here about how I think you shouldn’t kick the habit until you’re ready). But I am suggesting that you start thinking about your health beyond the traditional confines of how most people define health. (You can read more about my expanded definition of health here.)

Δευτέρα 7 Σεπτεμβρίου 2015

8 BEAUTIFULLY INSIGHTFUL ALAN WATTS QUOTES

“Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun.” 

 “To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.” 

allan-watts-quote

“If you really understand Zen… you can use any book. You could use the Bible. You could use Alice in Wonderland. You could use the dictionary, because… the sound of the rain needs no translation.”

“The problem comes up because we ask the question in the wrong way. We supposed that solids were one thing and space quite another, or just nothing. Then it appeared that space was no mere nothing, because solids couldn’t do without it. -

But the mistake in the beginning was to think of solids and space as two different things, instead of as two aspects of the same thing. The point is that they are different but inseparable, like the front end and the rear end of a cat. Cut them apart, and the cat dies.”

“You are the big bang, the original force of the universe, coming on as whoever you are.”

alan man“How is it possible that a being with such sensitive jewels as the eyes, such enchanted musical instruments as the ears, and such fabulous arabesque of nerves as the brain can experience itself anything less than a god.”




12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without.

December of 2012, my soul mate passed away.

He was 34.
We shared a great love that we both knew we were lucky to find.
The circumstances of every loss are different. This loss has forever changed me and there have been days, many of them, that I didn’t actually think I could make it. This week it occurred to me that sharing my experience might be helpful to others. I hope that it is. My last intention is to create any more pain/suffering so if any of this offends any of you I apologize in advance. Namaste.

1. It will feel like you are dying.

2. Expect that you will viscerally know in every one of your cells that there is somewhere you would rather be and it’s not here. Not alive. Not on Earth. It’s wherever they are. This does not mean you are necessarily suicidal, just that you would rather be with them.
3. Enjoy the first year. Yes enjoy it. They will always be in your heart but may not always be as present in spirit as they are in the first year after their passing.

Nurture every tear.

Enjoy every supernatural wink they give you. Invite them to ride along in your passenger seat whenever it’s empty. Play music they loved and sing with them. Light a candle. Take a bath and talk to them. Out loud. It’s not delusion – it’s consolation for them not being embodied anymore. You can take them with you.
4. If you were in fact their soul mate know that, in the eyes of your shared friends and family, you are now a channel. Family members will call you when they want to connect with the deceased. Temporarily mute your own subconscious story and hear their stories. You will learn more than even you ever knew about your loved one, their other relationships and the imprint you left on their life. Remember everything you hear is not always true. Share memories, uplifting messages and encouragement with those you both loved and do it often. It’s a gift beyond measure and a connection to the lost loved one perhaps not otherwise available to those friends and family who also loved your soul mate. Allow them to have their story. Let it enrich yours. Trust it takes nothing away from what you shared together.
5. Whether or not they died in hospice, avail yourself of their resources, groups and counselors. They deal with death professionally and usually handle it better than us lay-folk.
6. Write a will. Assign your belongings. Write letters to those who loved you to read once you are gone. Reserve your spot next to your loved one if that is where you would like your body laid to rest. The certainty of knowing your bodies will be laid to rest together can be a welcomed relief amidst the other 23.5 torturous hours of the day.
7. Allow your grief to heal the smaller pieces of shrapnel still embedded in those further down the grief path than you are. Most humans have lost other humans they love. Your grief may remind others of their lost loved ones and allow them an opportunity to tell a story, remember a forgotten moment, or simply honor their loved by sharing the story of their life and death with you, the newly bereaved.
8. If the circumstances of their death involved unimaginable tragedy and requires obscenely insensitive legal, judicial, correctional or medical paper work, assign 30 minutes each week to address this paperwork. Send pictures of you and your loved one to the administrators handling the case. It will remind them you are not a number and that this “case” is not “unimportant.”
9. Invest in landscape centric television series that have no reminders of your loved one or your past. It’s amedicinal escape from the hard work you are doing. (Suggestions: Doc MartinNorthern Exposure.) Enjoy this mental vacation as often as necessary.
10. Cry in yoga. Tell your yoga teacher who tells you to find a smile to, kindly, fuck off.

11. Love them.

Help bury them. Honor them in an eulogy/obituary/epitaph/book/blog post or Facebook post. Participating in their transition out of this embodied life will honor your connection, help you say anything left unsaid and give you some otherwise unavailable glimpses into what’s ahead.
12. Forgive all those who don’t show up to the funeral. Forgive those who you think failed your loved one. Forgive your loved one and (I’m not there yet) forgive yourself. Relating to your loved through guilt/shame/fear will decrease the amount of time you have to relate to them through love. After all, that’s what they were here to teach you—love.
Your relationship continues once they’ve vacated the tenement of their physical body and they will sit with you, spiritually, as your body heaves and melts into a puddle of snot and tears on the bedroom, living room, kitchen and bathroom floors. But don’t forget, as in life, it’s easier to enjoy your time together when you build a house of love (not a prison of guilt or regret) for them to visit.

Post this in your Kitchen: 10 Tips for a Mindful Home.

Last night I hosted a cozy, simple, elegant, eco-responsible Thanksgiving in my home.
Most of what worked was thanks to my guests, who are like a second family to me: they cooked amazing food, they invited conversation and toasts during the meal, the children helped us all to celebrate (and go play outside after dinner).
It was a night where my house became a home. I say home, not house, because though I’ve owned my house for eight years, it’s been a journey.
My house can be a source of coziness when I’m down (I was just sick for 10 days), a source of upliftedness and renewal. Or, as we all know, our house can be a degraded mirror, enabling our depression or speediness.
For many years my house has been fun, but messy and disorganized. Now, finally, it’s becoming its true self: cozy, imaginative, a powerful net for my energies.
As Chogyam Trungpa said, we can’t fix the world if we can’t even do our own dishes. We have to start at home, on a kitchen sink level.
Let’s create peace at home, then share that. Otherwise, we just share further aggression, even if we’re well-intentioned. He pointed out that clothes on the floor weaken our inner confidence, confirming a degraded state of mind. Creating an uplifted environment is simple, but hard—because slowing down is hard for the speedy mind.
So what’s the difference between a house and a home? Elegance. Not being “fancy,” but taking the time—the present moment—to clean up after oneself.
There’s a traditional Buddhist teaching that focusing on how to relate to our kitchen, here (click for article):
buddhist cooking kitchen advice wisdom buddhism karme choling marpa house boulder
We can maintain a simple, uplifted home that others will enjoy and that will provide strength for us when we need it most without much money.
Those who have wealth, after all, are often consumed with the same sort of discontent that those of us with less have.
Mindfulness is priceless, and joyful, and sad and sweet. Mindfulness is home.
Here’s a few tips that I’ve garnered over the years:
1. Find a place for everything to go (including the recycle bin). Buy less plastic, create less waste.
2. Buy quality things that uplift one’s environment instead of fun cheap things that clutter it.
3. Shop craigslist: you can find quality everything on there, for cheap. Get folks to agree to drop it off, offer to pay cash if in great condition, no surprises and save time, not just money.
4. If you see something messy, stop and clean it up on the spot. This has been the hardest for me…I let things accumulate and before I know it a beautiful house has become a somewhat degraded echo upon my life.
Okay, from Karen: mindful home